'The Dream of the Shepherd' ('Der Traum des Hirten'), Ferdinand Hodler (1896)

   -- I'm back. No, not with a vengance but with a bashful "uh, hi" - uttered in the kind of way your wayward older brother would upon returning home from an unplanned five year 'break' from a very prestigious university degree to which he never intends to return after having found 'spirituality' abroad... why yes, i have been watching far too many 90s and 00s rom coms/dramas in my long 3-ish year absence. your point?

a lot has shifted since my last post here. I became a mother to the most wondrous, beautiful little boy. I also got made redundant, launched and let peter out into nothingness an online vintage store, got a more stable job in the civil service, and had several existential crises along the way because a lot of things i'd come to know about myself were coming undone all at once.

in a moment of candidness: i really did lose a grip on reality through the tumult and massive upheaval of life as i then knew it. Dear Reader, do not underestimate just how much a dramatic change in circumstance can alter your dress sense, your tastes, how you consume content and the pace at which you purchase products even. let's just say i was doing the most on youtube and my burner insta account where i fastidiously follow all my fave fashion gurlies, all while propping up beyond retro, vestiaire, ebay etsy depop and a few luxury resale sites with my terrible online shopping habits (this week's video is sponsored by klarna... i hate you klarna).

you get the picture: i've had a bad couple of years of out of control spending in order to regain a sense of self and control and enjoy what i wear again at a time when my body size and shape went through a period of flux. ironic. was it all worth it? probably not. fashion rarely is worth spending lots of £££s on even if it's over a course of years or on things you'll ultimately 'love now and wear forever' (oh myyyy how i hate hearing the fashion gurlies whack that phrase out when they're trying to convince you to buy something you really dont need). but if you've got the disposable dolla and you're as emotionally invested in looking/feeling sick af as you are financially, then sure why not i guess...... 

i've made many many MANY purchases ive regretted, i've become far more easy to influence than ever before (i confess Monikh Dale and Brittany Bathgate have me on a leash and i will follow them to the ends of the earth tbh, i stand by that), but i've also got a wardrobe that aligns with who i feel i am at this moment in time, and will probably be for a long time still. simply put: it makes me feel so f cking good when i put together an outfit thats pure fireemoji in my eyes (see a few crudely collaged egs below). 

i've enjoyed the thrill of thrifting, the hunt for the hard to find piece in the outfit puzzle that'll make about 20 different things in my wardrobe instantly less difficult to style every day... i could go on about this, but i think what i want to say on my return to this blog, is that i'm really ready to stop spending now. it's just bloody exhausting watching myself on that hamster wheel of consumerism and not knowing how to get off it for good before it goes somewhere i really don't want it to. 

i'm back here to observe and to commentate. the difference now is that i'm not here to encourage spending. i won't be linking anything (its not like i get a commission anyway) - in fact, you can think of this blog henceforth as simply a moodboard or an unpolished repository of my thoughts on style, like it was originally meant to be. 

I hope you enjoy all that is to come, i know i certainly will xo